The Real Reasons Behind Your Frustration
Insights from Enahoro Okhae at the 2024 MBYY Conference
Frustration is a universal experience—one that affects individuals across different walks of life. Whether you’re a young professional striving to make a name for yourself, an entrepreneur navigating business challenges, or simply someone feeling stuck in your current situation, frustration can creep in. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, why am I really frustrated? At the 2024 MBYY Conference, Enahoro Okhae delivered an insightful talk that delved into the root causes of frustration and how to navigate it effectively.
Understanding the Nature of Emotions
Many people view emotions such as frustration, anger, or sadness as negative. However, Enahoro Okhae challenges this perspective. He explains that no emotion is inherently negative; every emotion provides data. When you feel angry, it signals a blockage. Fear arises due to uncertainty. Sadness occurs when you lose something important to you. Frustration, similarly, is an indicator—it tells you that something isn’t aligning with your expectations or efforts.
The key takeaway? Emotions are information, not obstacles. Instead of resisting them, we must learn to interpret their messages.
Why Are You Frustrated?
One of the most common reasons people feel frustrated is comparison. If you’re just starting your career and expect to earn as much as someone with ten years of experience, frustration is inevitable. Okhae emphasizes that it is unfair to compare yourself to others without acknowledging the differences in their journey. Instead of focusing on what someone else has achieved, shift your focus to your own growth.
Another significant reason for frustration is a lack of perspective. Often, we blame external situations or people for our frustration—whether it’s a demanding job, an unsupportive partner, or a slow-moving project. However, frustration isn’t caused by the situation itself but by our perception of it. Okhae gives a compelling example:
- Three people face the same setback.
- One feels frustrated.
- Another feels grateful for the lesson.
- The third feels sad.
The situation remains the same, but the emotional response differs. This proves that it is not the event that dictates frustration but rather our mindset.
Overcoming Frustration: The Three Key Questions
Instead of getting overwhelmed by frustration, Okhae suggests a simple three-step approach:
- Why am I frustrated?
- Is it a person, a task, or a time constraint?
- Is it due to unrealistic expectations or a skill gap?
- Identifying the root cause gives clarity.
- What are my options to solve this frustration?
- Can you acquire a new skill?
- Can you adjust your expectations?
- Can you reframe the situation to see it differently?
- Which option will help me grow and move forward?
- Once you identify possible solutions, choose the one that fosters steady growth.
- Solve the problem, not the frustration itself, because frustration is just a symptom.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence
Frustration narrows our focus to what is going wrong. Emotional intelligence, however, broadens our perspective. Okhae uses a relatable analogy: Imagine being upset that your spouse didn’t cook. Frustration fixates on that single issue. Emotional intelligence, on the other hand, reminds you of the bigger picture—this person is your spouse, someone who brings many valuable aspects to your life. By shifting your perspective, the frustration diminishes.
Finding Financial Fulfillment in Service to Humanity
During the session, a participant asked about feeling unfulfilled financially while pursuing a career in service to humanity. Okhae responded with two crucial insights:
- Lack of Structure is the Problem, Not the Service
- If your work in service to humanity isn’t bringing financial returns, the issue likely lies in the absence of a structured income pathway.
- Nonprofit organizations and social enterprises thrive because they establish systems—donations, sponsorships, and grants—that sustain their operations.
- Every Purpose Has a Financial Pathway
- People often assume that serving others must be purely charitable. However, every purpose can be monetized.
- If your passion is listening and advising, consider becoming a life coach or counselor.
- If you love helping people organize events, explore a career in event management.
- If you find joy in customer satisfaction, a career in customer service could be fulfilling both emotionally and financially.
Final Thoughts: Turning Frustration into Fuel for Growth
Frustration is a signal, not a sentence. It highlights areas where we need to grow, adjust our mindset, or refine our strategies. Instead of battling frustration blindly, take a step back, analyze its root cause, and choose a productive way forward.
By embracing emotional intelligence, shifting perspectives, and recognizing the structure needed for success, you can turn frustration into a stepping stone toward greater fulfillment and achievement.
So, the next time you feel frustrated, ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to teach me?
