“We listen, we don’t judge” Do we?
Let’s start by painting some common scenarios;
You arrive late to work, You’re sober, apologetic, and thinking, “The traffic was a mess. I barely slept. I’m trying my best.” But your colleague sees you and thinks, “There they go again. Always late. So unprofessional.”
Now let’s assume the case was reversed:
Your colleague shows up late the next day. You feel a wave of judgment: “Why can’t people just be responsible?”
And this judgements don’t end there. You probably feel;
Your tone is “passionate,” but theirs is “rude.”
Your email was “straightforward,” but theirs was “insensitive.”
You were “just asking questions,” but they were “being difficult.”
Sound familiar?
The Human Bias No One Wants to Admit
We all carry a quiet, sneaky double standard:
We judge ourselves based on what we intended. But we judge others based on what they did.
Sometimes It’s not always malicious, it’s just human. But the consequence? Distrust, misunderstood motives, and frayed relationships, especially in teams and families.
Why It’s a Problem in Teams and Leadership
In any team whether corporate or community trust is the oil that keeps the engine running.
But this bias creates friction. You think your teammate didn’t contribute because they’re lazy. They think you’re being controlling because you took over. No one stops to ask: What was really going on?
In a world where collaboration is king, this kind of fast, flawed judgment is dangerous.
It leads to:
Assumptions over conversations
Silos over synergy
- Politics over purpose
How to Flip the Script
Here’s a radical idea:
What if we judged others with the same compassion we give ourselves?
What if, instead of saying “they don’t care,” we said,
“Maybe they’re overwhelmed, or I didn’t communicate clearly.”
What if, instead of “he’s always negative,” we said,
“Maybe he’s cautious because of past experiences.”
This isn’t about excusing poor behavior.
It’s about trading snap judgments for curious inquiry.
Practical Ways to Apply This (Even in Tense Moments)
Reflect Before You Judge
Ask: “If I were in their shoes, what might explain this behavior?”Lead with Questions, Not Accusations
“I noticed you didn’t speak in the meeting. Is everything okay?” is more powerful than “You never participate.”Separate the Person from the Behavior
“That action frustrated me” is better than “You’re frustrating.”Mirror the Grace You Want
If you want people to assume good intent about you—start offering that to them first.
In conclusion, people will always confuse, challenge, and sometimes disappoint you.
But remember: everyone is living a life you can’t fully see. They have burdens, blind spots, and backstories just like you. So before you label them, pause.
Ask: Am I judging their actions while expecting them to understand my intentions?
That small pause right there? It’s the beginning of better teamwork, leadership, and human connection.
At Pause Factory, we help organizations and individuals not just “work better” but see better. Because when people truly see each other, performance naturally follows.
